setting with the sun
by des monstres
Summary: He gave a satisfied, eye-crinkling smile and thought, I think I did okay.


_setting with the sun.  
_des monstres

disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me except for this work of fiction. Poop.

*

It was a new day.

Hatake Kakashi lazily got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. In a few minutes, he was toweling off his hair. He dressed in his usual all black, shrugged on his Jounin vest, pulled his mask over his face, and finally tilted his Konoha hitai-ate perfectly over his left eye. He then grabbed his latest porn novel off the bookshelf and left his apartment. Even though he rarely perused the literature nowadays, he still had appearances to keep up.

With hands shoved into his pockets, he made his way over to his routine location. He passed through the training grounds where he taught his first lesson to the only team of Genin who had successfully passed his test and stopped in front of the large stone that had the names of many engraved into its face. He looked down from where he stood as he read off the names of the brave who had lost their lives in battle, defending their loved ones, their honor, their home.

Never one to worry about time, Kakashi stayed.

--

Later that morning, he appeared before the Hokage to ask for a mission. It didn't matter what rank, he told her. Anything to keep him occupied.

"Kakashi, you just came back last night from a two week mission," the Fifth reminded. "Why don't you relax?"

"In all honesty, I'd rather be on another mission. I don't have much to do these days," he replied.

Tsunade looked long and hard at the man before her. Even though he would normally look her in the eye, his eyes now were unfocused and distant as if they were trying to grasp something too far away. She knew that look. She was a veteran of it. And because she was a woman full of experience, she knew all too well that burying yourself in something made forgetting easier. It was how she discovered the wonders of sake.

"I'll have one for you by tomorrow morning. Just use today to walk around town or something. And don't forget to drop by the hospital."

After a short nod, he was gone.

--

A couple nurses swiftly checked his vitals and asked him a few questions while taking notes. Not before long, he was deemed as healthy as a horse and allowed to leave. Just as he was about to exit the room, he noticed a potted flower sitting on the windowsill. He approached the pretty flora.

Kakashi wasn't educated in flowers, but he knew this particular one. Cosmos. There was a girl who once told him that she loved cosmos and that she wished to fill every hospital room with one, proclaiming that they could brighten up any dull space. If there was a cosmos in every room, she would say, then it would give the patient the strength to heal just as it had done for her. Now Konoha Hospital was filled with said flowers, and Kakashi had to agree that they really did brighten up any room.

If he was anyone else, he would've swelled with pride, so instead he settled for a soft smile and was glad for the opportunity to teach her and learn from her as well.

--

With nothing to do and too much time to spare, Kakashi took the Sannin's advice and roamed the village. He looked around for a place to eat for lunch. What caught his eye were white flaps fluttering to his right. He stared at the red strokes on the flaps that spelled out Ichiraku Ramen. Before he realized what he was doing, he was seated on a stool and ordering a bowl of miso ramen. He didn't even like miso ramen.

"Ah . . . Kakashi-san, it's been a while since you were last here. How's everything been?" Teuchi greeted familiarly.

"I've been well. How about you and Ayame? Business doing well?" Kakashi asked with a masked smile.

"Oh, we're doing just fine although we'd make a greater profit if my best customer were still around, of course," the older man replied with a nostalgic chuckle.

Kakashi smiled and looked down at his ramen. How true, he thought, how very true.

--

With the cool grass against his back and arms folded under his head, he woke up to the sound of twittering birds and the sight of the bright sun. Kakashi felt refreshed after the short nap took a moment to gaze into the cloudless sky. The glaring orb in the sky coupled with the many chirps coming from around him brought back memories of a certain prodigal son.

Sometimes he wished he'd done better, but everything had turned out alright because the prodigal son had eventually returned home, and he couldn't have asked for anything more. So he smiled.

--

At the end of the day, Kakashi was standing atop the head of the Fourth. The sun was setting beyond the walls of Konoha. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't think of anything.

Because the truth was, all his students were gone. It'd been many months now, and he felt that there was still something missing. He felt like he could've done more. He felt that some part of him still couldn't let them go, still couldn't come to terms with their deaths. Although he knew it was impossible, he couldn't help but wish, hope, _dream_ that they would somehow be alive and well and fighting and, and a _family_.

Many considered Kakashi a father to them because Sakura grew up with her widowed mother, Sasuke's parents had died when he was only eight, and Naruto never had any to begin with. So he, as a father, naturally believed that he would die before any of his children, and that they would be the ones to bury him, not the other way around. But in the world of shinobi, the rules no longer applied, and one by one, he attended their funerals, gave mournful eulogies, and buried them with a heavy heart.

But as Hatake Kakashi looked solemnly into the sunset, he gave a satisfied, eye-crinkling smile and thought, _I think I did okay_.

*

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